There is a long road to recovery for those deciding between saving the marriage or divorce after cheating, especially for those whose spouses had an affair. Some people are willing to look past their partner’s mistakes, but others decide to move on with their lives instead, especially after experiencing infidelity.

It’s important to know that California is a “no-fault” state when it comes to divorce. This means that neither party has to prove that the other did anything wrong or immoral to cause the divorce, and it won’t come into account when determining the distribution of marital assets, alimony, or child support.

If you decide to get a divorce, it is wise to seek legal advice from a divorce attorney, especially when you seek compensation.

Should You Get Divorced After an Affair?

There are many reasons people decide to get divorced after their spouse has an extramarital affair. Here are the most common reasons:

Trust Is Broken Completely 

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and a cheating spouse can destroy it entirely. When you find out your spouse has betrayed you, the pain they’ve caused can feel unbearable. If your partner refuses to take responsibility or the trust cannot be rebuilt, many consider ending a marriage. While it’s possible to rebuild your marriage, repeated types of cheating often make this unlikely. In a no-fault divorce state, trust issues may not carry legal weight, but they can still affect the divorce emotionally and financially. Consulting an expert is vital if you’re considering a divorce from bed and board.

Underlying Problems Surface 

Infidelity doesn’t always happen in isolation; it often exposes deeper issues. After you find out your spouse has cheated, unresolved conflicts or emotional neglect can come to light. If one spouse feels disconnected, they may choose to cheat, though their actions matter and cannot be justified. For the relationship to survive, both partners must address these issues. However, if your spouse cannot agree to work on them or acknowledge the pain they’ve caused, divorce terms may become the only solution.

Feelings of Rejection Are Prominent 

Discovering your spouse has been cheating can lead to intense feelings of rejection and questioning your self-worth. It hurts so much to face betrayal, but it’s important to remember that the decision to cheat lies with your partner. Some couples manage to rebuild their marriage with effort and professional help. However, if your partner refuses to take responsibility or doesn’t seem committed to change, divorce may be the healthiest option. Exploring a divorce settlement or a divorce from bed and board can provide a way forward, especially if the spouse’s infidelity has caused lasting harm.

Steps Toward Resolution

When you’ve experienced infidelity, deciding on your next steps can feel overwhelming. While “once a cheater” might ring true for some, it’s possible to come out stronger if both partners take accountability. If the dangers of living in a toxic relationship outweigh the benefits of staying, divorce may be necessary. In a no-fault divorce state, infidelity doesn’t always impact divorce terms, but understanding your rights and emotional recovery is key. Seeking professional help ensures you’re much more likely to make informed decisions about whether to end the marriage together or try to rebuild.

If a divorce agreement can’t be made, it is best to speak with an attorney, as an uncontested divorce will not be the right option here. Always remember that you have legal rights to use the assistance of an experienced family lawyer or divorce attorney, particularly in a no-fault divorce situation.

Divorce After Infidelity: Factors to Consider 

A traditional contested divorce isn’t cheap. It can become lengthy, with long waiting periods in between. A divorce attorney can help you get precisely what you need and will know how to present the arguments in court, especially in cases of experienced infidelity.

Before you decide to file for a divorce, consider these things:

Rebuild Your Marriage or Walk Away After Infidelity?

Determining whether to rebuild your marriage or walk away after infidelity is one of the most challenging decisions for a betrayed partner. Start by evaluating the overall quality of your committed relationship. Has your unfaithful partner shown a willingness to change, or is the trust irreparably damaged? Consider the history you share – are there strong foundations of love and respect that can be rebuilt, or have those been eroded over time? Remember, rebuilding trust requires effort from both partners, and the decision should not be made lightly. If your partner cheats and their behavior demonstrates remorse and accountability, the healing process may be worth pursuing. Consulting a relationship expert or engaging in marriage counseling can also provide clarity on whether the relationship is worth saving.

Reflecting on Past Hurts and Betrayal

Reflecting on past hurts and betrayals can help provide clarity. Ask yourself if this is the first instance of adultery or part of a recurring pattern. If your spouse or partner has cheated before, it may indicate a deeper issue that is unlikely to be resolved without significant intervention. On the other hand, if your cheating partner is genuinely sorry and committed to change, healing and forgiving your partner may be possible. For many married couples, overcoming an extramarital affair depends on whether both individuals are willing to address underlying issues and work toward rebuilding. However, it’s essential to consider whether past pain and negative emotions can truly be overcome.

How a Cheating Spouse Reacts Matters

The way an unfaithful spouse reacts when confronted speaks volumes about the potential for reconciliation. A defensive, dismissive, or abusive reaction could indicate the relationship is unhealthy and unlikely to improve. If your partner refuses to take accountability or isn’t sorry for cheating, moving forward might not be feasible. On the other hand, if their behavior demonstrates genuine regret and they actively work to rebuild trust, there may be hope for a healthy relationship. A marriage counselor can guide both parties through the healing process and help determine whether the relationship can thrive going forward.

Deciphering Emotions to Rebuild Your Life

Infidelity often brings a whirlwind of emotions, from anger and hurt to confusion and despair. It’s crucial to take the time to decipher these emotions to make an informed decision. If hate or resentment dominates your feelings, rebuilding trust may be difficult. However, if indifference has set in, it may signify that the emotional connection has already been severed. If you’ve experienced betrayal by your spouse, consider whether the relationship work required to move forward is realistic. For some, ending a marriage is the healthiest choice. Others may find that professional guidance, such as marriage counseling, helps them navigate their pain and decide whether to pursue forgiveness and healing. Steps aren’t easy, but with the right support, a betrayed partner can regain clarity and move forward – whether by rebuilding the relationship or starting anew. 

Making It Work

If you’ve decided to make it work after finding out about your partner’s infidelity, there’s a long path of healing and fixing that lies ahead often requiring marriage counseling.

It’s important to take some time for yourself during this hardship and to consider whether you want to walk away after infidelity. Process your feelings and allow yourself to feel those emotions. Communication is key here, even though it was likely lacking before. Be honest about your feelings and be direct so your spouse knows exactly what you’re going through.

It’s always good to seek support, like a therapist, to help steer through the challenges you now face. Trust exercises and communication skills are usually taught during this time. You and your spouse will also be asked to think of how things will be moving forward in the marriage. This includes anything from setting boundaries to counseling to couple activities, which are essential in healing after betrayal.

Will an Affair Affect the Divorce Settlement?

Unfortunately, in California, an affair doesn’t affect the divorce settlement. California is a no-fault state, therefore you don’t even have to state a reason for wanting to get divorced, making it easier to move on with your life. On the one hand, that does make things a bit easier, but your divorce settlement won’t be affected by an affair.

An affair can cloud judgment, leading to decisions driven by emotions. That’s why it’s important to involve a divorce lawyer specializing in no-fault divorce cases to make the process smoother. Contact Westover Law today to hire an attorney who can guide you through the process and help you decide on saving the marriage or divorce after cheating as you move forward with your life.